the doctor’s call

James Thurgood

What would you be found doing when Death overtakes you?
— Epictetus

it comes at school: the doctor’s call
(tests ran the gamut, cholesterol to cancer)

by luck, I’m reading Epictetus—
panic ebbs to stoic acceptance

then a taste in the air
a sweetness I must have known was there

(can I do what I want my last few weeks
or am I insured only in harness—
strangely, that chance too
I can live with)

my grade 10s pass notes, gossip
glance— if they ask why I’m happy
I’ll say I just found out
I’m going to die

if not too embarrassed, I’ll add
maybe here and now— so good a place
so good a day

in the waiting room
an old student ponders, then:
Mr T.? and tells me I made a prayer
in front of two hundred people
— I was nervous but I did it—

I had practiced on stage
and seen all the people—
they say to picture it— picture yourself
doing everything right—
forget what you could do wrong
and imagine you do it all perfect

then the examining room—
you must be feeling better the doctor frowns:
you’re smiling